Thinking about Writing

Actually, I've been thinking about thinking about writing. I don;t wuite feel ready to go back to it yet--but then, do you ever? Once the initial excitedment of a story idea passes, does it ever come back?

For me it used to, but then, I'm a bit mental.

When I wrote the stories for Dragons of the Mind, I wrote a story a day--okay, some of the longer ones took me a couple days--but I was in that state of heightened excitement all the time. Was that just because I KNEW I was writing something for publication? Or was there some other source of inspiration driving me on? The theme of fairy tales, perhaps? I don;t know.

I felt so positive about that book and I can;t seem to get it into anyone's hands. In three years I've sold about 35 copies--not so good if you;re trying to attract the attention of a big publisher. But then, POD is like that. Now I;m glad that someone buys it when they do, but I no longer have dreams of selling a million copies and winning the world fanstasy award--which to be truly honest I really think I deserve. I wrote some of those stories because of the 14th edition of The Best of Fantasy and Horror and I think my stories are much better than some of those--not to be too humble or anything.

But anyway, thinking about thinking about writing...

You see, I really think I should buckle down and get going on She Moved Through the Faire. But something is keeping me from it. I have this horrible fear of it for some reason. Probably that I don;t have a great synopsis planned out for it: just some of the vaguest ideas after the first chapter. But I have an equal fear of that phone call. The one I'm expecting from Tor Books saying, "We're going to publish The Unquiet Grave; now about that sequel..." I don;t know why I feel so confident about this and so not confident at the same time--you know, I'm afraid to check the mail every day in case the rejection slip is in there! But really, I know it;s a good book and deserves to be published.

That brings me to the sequel. I mentioned it in my introductory letter and what do I have? Four measly pages. So I really think I should get going on it. I mean, I know what happens next at least for a little while, and my experience is once you get going, get over that proverbial fear of the blank page, the stuff just flows out. Sometimes it flows like jelly and sometimes like water, but it does flow. Yet all I can do is think about it. And it makes my stomach hurt, it really does.

I've read all the books and I've been to the conferences where they tell you that writing is like climbing a mountain: at first it's really pretty and it goes easily. Then you begin to get tired and the wildflowers don't look as bright anymore. Then you just want to sit down and rest your feet. But soon enough if you keep going you get past the last ridge and the view is so wonderful...

I feel like I've started this book in the middle of the mountain, the place where you just want to sit down and rest your feet. I need some motivation. Like, banal as it sounds, money or guarantees or something. Someone out there must want to know about Tipper and Caitlin and their further adventures. But I don't even know if anyone wants to hear about their first adventure together and that is a real stumbling block for me.

Writing is lonely. Think of this if you're thinkiing of quitting your day job. It's lonely and it often sucks and writing groups are not much help, sorry to say.

Or maybe I'm just a bit mental.