Tuesday, October 23, 2007

After Dinner

This is the time of night that I get depressed most often. Everything is done that needs doing: cooking, dishes, feeding the cats, cleaning (what little I do...), even writing is done for the day usually.

That's funny, I used to write at night quite a lot but now I don;t seem to have the get up and go for it after a certain time of night.

So there's nothing to occupy my time and mind. I used to read during these hours between dinner and bed, but I just haven;t wanted to read for the longest time. I'm halfway through Drums of Autumn by Diana Gabaldon at the moment and I just can't make myself go on with it eventhough I'd like to--I like the story, I love her writing and characters. But when it comes to picking up the book I mostly find myself saying, "Errrggghh," and shoving it away. Just not interested.

Not interested in much of anything else, either. When I was depressed once before, a "Friend" kept telling me I needed a hobby. Well, I don't want to be doing something just to be doing it. I want something that interests me. I guess this blog is one of those things as I'm sometimes writing two a day now. I could take a hot bath for my aching muscles but that doesn;t interest me either.

I'm glad I;m out of the mixed state, but the depressive side of it isn;t much fun.

So I sit and I smoke and I play stupid computer games and hate myself for not having a life that involves being involved.

I need to go somewhere. I thought we were going to go down to the Texas Renaissance Festival to celebrate my birthday, but it looks like that's a no go since we can;t find a reliable pet sitter in the area and we just got three new kittens. I KNEW I shouldn;t have got kittens until after the trip, but I couldn;t resist the little buggers and I';m glad we did it. Still I need to GO SOMEWHERE. I'm tired of being at home all the time, afraid even to take a walk and get out of the house.

Sometime there's gooing to be a cure for this. I just wish it would come soon.

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