Depressive

Or not? I'm not sure. There are things I still can;t do like read or play my flute, but other things I canj do like keep this blog and update my website.

By the way, if you follow my website you migh tbe interested to know that today I posted a page of the original Locked poems: pieces I wrote years and years ago that describe the experience maybe even better than the prose does. There are only five of them, but I think they;re pretty good. So you might want to check them out. Link at the bottom of the Excerpts page!

But other than that...I feel like I'm having a depressive day. Nothing has any colour in it for me. It was nearly impossible to get out of bed and nearly impossible to function when I did. In fact, it's 2:38 by my computer clock and I just managed to take a shower and get dressed.

Maybe this is something I can expect. Maybe I can;t expect every day to be a good day. But not getting dressed until two doesn;t seem hedonistic to me: it seems wrong and unhealthy. So does ignoring things like gardening and housework. Maybe all these agendae are things that have been put on me by other people. No one says I HAVE to garden. I just feel...I like things to be nice and tidy and when they;re not and I don;t take responsibility for it I feel bad.

So I'm sitting here having another cigarette and a cup of coffee and wondering if I'm depresed or not. Maybe my Pdoc can tell me--I see him tomorrow.

That's all, really. Mostly I wanted to tell anyone reading this to go to my website and check out the poetry. It was the last poetry I wrote, so I value it. Hope you do as well.