Monday, November 12, 2007

The Blahs

it's funny how you can go from feeling fairly happy to feeling very down in seconds. Just one little thing can trigger this whole flip flop of emotion.

Like now. On my birthday, 3 days ago, I was feeling really good. We were going to town to do stuff that I wanted to do; I weighed myself and was happy with my weight; I felt well in my body and my mind. But now, I'm sick as a dog with some kind of virus (and why is it "sick as a dog?" Do dogs get sicker than other creatures?); I gained about ten lbs overnight (why does this happen???) and my mind is having a crisis about all kinds of things that aren't in my control, or don't seem in my control. I'm totally in tears and yet I;m the same person with mostly the same stuff going on as 3 days ago.

Of course I had decided that my birthday I was going to be happy and not worry, but it's hard deciding that every day. It's a struggle. Some people seem to have the gift of happiness; others have to work at it. I'm one of the ones who has to work at it.

I look at the picture of me I posted in my last blog and I still think I';m looking pretty good. I don;t feel as old as I am; I feel like I';m still in my 20's or sometimes even in my teens. And yet, today I don;t feel god ABOUT these things; I feel...just kind of blah. And it doesn;t help that I'm sick, either.

So I;d better go take my medicine. Sorry, I thought this post was going somewhere.

No comments: