Saturday, November 15, 2008


I'm actually doing all right today, all things considering.

Last night I was terrified. You see, today is the day M. had to go to the city to take the Praxis test, which is kind of like a big honking SAT for people wanting to go into education. And I knew I wouldn't be able to reach him if something happened.

So what if something really did happen? What if I had a heart attack or an embolism or something? (Having an embolism is my big fear these days, especially since I've been spending so much time sitting at my computer.) What if I had a plain old anxiety attack and had no way to reach him to talk me through it? He assured me I could call his parents, but I never feel comfortable with that. I know they love me and all, but discussing my problems is never easy, even with people I'm very close to (strange, as I have no problem at all writing about them here!)

Well, I'm pleased to say this day has gone fairly well. If, of course, you leave out the fact that the cats woke me up at six a.m. and I couldn't get back to sleep. They had decided to spazz out on the bed and dig under the blankets around my legs and stuff like that. No amount of shooing them away or even squirting them with the water bottle could get them to stop. So Ifinally just got up.

But other than being tired, I feel pretty good.

That, I suppose, is to be expected. Yesterday I had one of those days when I was so out of it I couldn't even get dressed. Often after a day like that I find I am able to motivate myself better. I even had a shower. And I am, suprisingly, not freaking out about anything. I'm glad about that.

Tonight we're sending out for pizza. I'm looking forward to that. Maybe the looking forward to something is all I need to make me feel better. I'm glad there's something in my life to look forward to, though I feel bad sometimes that the the only thing I seem to look forward to is special food. Oh well.

Now I'm hungry and though it's quite early I think I'll have lunch.

Boring blog, I know. But I'm glad to be having a calm, uneventful day for once.

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