Saturday, September 1, 2007

Got My Mad On

So, the last few days have not been good ones for me. Why? I'll tell you:

Background: some of you may know this, but several years ago I was in a band with a woman who I had known for some years and was close friends with--or thought I was close friends with. To make a long story short, her disruptive and hostile behavious in the band, her compulsive lying behind my back and her refusal to do the work that was needed to play her part caused the end of the band and the end of our friendship. In fact, I haven't spoken to her in some six years.

Well, this woman is involved in the same volunteer organisation that I'm involved in (fortunately we don;t ever come into contact and never have to interact). A few days ago, another person in this organisation sent out an email to the listserve requesting that people who hadn;t RSVP to a meeting he was setting up with the intention of bringing the volunteers closer together and finding new ways we could contribute to the organisation. Sounds like a good idea, no? Well, this woman didn;t think so and she worte back a long screed--which she posted publicly--about why it was a bad idea and unnecessary and all that. This post was, in my eye and ear--for my husband reminds me that when we read stuff she's posted we can;t help but hear her intonation and see her expressions and they have had a lasting effect--patronising and condescending and pretty much out of line, especially to be posted for all to see. Well, the person organising the meeting took it like a gentleman and I suppose that should have been the end of it. But both my husband and I were so riled that he couldn;t help but comment on what he saw as the inappropriateness of the original post, saying that he thought the forum was a place to exchange ideas in a supportive atmosphere not to condescend to and lambaste people for their ideas and willingness to go one step further than absolutely required.

Of course this caused a huge stink. One person wrote back, "A good good clean fun," a sentiment with which I can't agree, having been on the receiving end of too many of them to count. Lambasting someone for his idea is hurtful and non-constructive. And I said as much, and I added privately that this particular woman couldn't leave the organisation soon enough to suit me if that was her attitude. Boy, I shouldn;t have said that! I was told in no uncertain terms that that was out of line as she had contributed so many volunteer hours. Excuse me, but there's more to volunteering than hours put in, in my book.

Well, anyway, just when the flap had started to die down, this woman posted again saying that the matter should have been between her and the other person involved and it was really no one else's business to comment on it. excuse me? then why did you post on a public forum, you moron? In my opinion, this was another attempt on her part to create dissent where there shouldn't really have been that much--a simple yes or no reply to the invitation would have sufficed. She went on to say that "If you want to REALLY contribute to this organisation," one should find out how much money she's giving to the next fundraiser and match it. Boy did that make my blood boil. It all comes down to money, does it? Well, we all can;t be living off trust funds like some people I could name. I feel like posting the Biblical parable about the poor woman who gave her last three coppers to the alms box and what the Jeez said to the Pharisee who derided her for it.

If anything, this should have proved to people how destructive this woman is, but no. No one seems to get it and if I say anything it's just put down to my being crazy with a grudge about the band stuff. I hate that. One person said, "My bullshit meter rates (this woman) as okay." I want to tell him his bullshit meter must be broken and I hope he never has the opportunity to find out just how broken it is.

But there's a conspiracy of silence among some elements of this town about just how dysfunctional it is. That's something I really can;t cope with. And this whole thing has brought up the band issues and the lying and the hostility and all again for me when I thought I was fairly over it. So I've been mad and sick at my stomach, not to mention believing that everyone is going to come down on me and burn me at the stake for what I've said. But come on. I broke off a 25-year friendship with this woman over her behaviour. Do you think I;d do that on a whim? Can you get that there might be some ruth on my side of the issue? Obviously not.

So that's why the last few days have not been good for me. Hope yours have been better.

One good thing came of it: I was so mad I cleaned my house. Now THAT'S mad!

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