Survey for 2009 (thanks to Stef)

1. Will you be looking for a new job in 2009?
No. I'd like to get back to writing, though. And I'm hoping my disability claim will be settled sometime this year.

2. Will you be looking for a new relationship?
No; I'm happy in the relationship I'm in.

3. New house?
I really doubt it. Unless the economic climate changes drastically or by some miracle we become gazillionaires, we couldn't afford a new house. And then we'd probably build one, anyway.

4. What will you do differently in '09?
Try to be more gentle with myself and not beat myself up so much.

5. New Year's resolution?
I don't make them, as I never keep them.

6. What will you not be doing in '09?
One specific thing? Going back to school. I have no desire ever to do that again!

7. Any trips planned?
If we manage to get out of our economic hole and save up enough money, we're planning on going back to Michigan for a family reunion. But that seems unlikely to happen at this point in time.

8. Wedding plans?
Already happily married!

9. What's on your calendar?
Mostly Dr.'s appointments!

10. What can't you wait for?
To have enough money to get by without constantly relying on our families for help.

11. What would you like to see happen differently?
I'd like to quit smoking this year, as I failed to do last year, but I don't know if I'll do any better at it in 2009 than I did in 2008.

12. What about yourself will you be changing?
My attitude towards myself, I hope.

13. What happened in '08 that you didn't think would ever happen?
Our beloved cat, Gwion Bach, was killed in our own back yard by two wandering dogs. I never thought it would happen in our own back yard.

14. Will you be nicer to the people you care about?
(stolen from Stef!) I hope I will continue to be nice to them, and if I am nicer that would
be good.

15. Will you dress differently this year than you did in '08?
I haven't dressed much differently since I was a teenager so I highly doubt it!

16. Will you start or quit drinking?
Nope. I don't drink now and the medication I'm on makes it impossible for me to start.

17. Will you better your relationship with your family?
I keep trying.

18. Will you do charity work?
I will continue to volunteer for the radio station I'm already a volunteer at.

19. Will you go to bars?
No. There are only two in town and I wouldn't really be interested in going to either of them.

20. Will you be nice to people you don't know?
I always try to treat everyone with whom I come into contact with at least common courtesy, if not a little more.

21. Do you expect 2009 to be a good year for you?
I really hope it is!

22. How much did you change from this time last year till now?
Not much :P

23. Do you plan on having a child?
No.

24. Will you still be friends with the same people you are friends with
now?
I hope so.

26. Will you be moving?
Not likely.

27. What will you make sure doesn't happen in '09 that happened this
year?
I intend to make sure we don't lose another cat the way we lost Gwion Bach--all our kitties are indoor-only now.

28. What are your New Years Eve plans?
Stay in, order pizza and watch DVDs.

29. Will you have someone to kiss at midnight?
Yes, but we may not make it to midnight, being the old fogies that we are!

30. Wish for 2009?
I wish for so many things that I can't even begin to list them here. Maybe in blog entries along the way I'll make some of my wishes known to all of you.

Facebook Meme--20 trivial facts

Here's something that's going around Facebook and several of the forums I frequent.

20 trivial facts about me:

1. I love lobster but I can't stand the way they stare at you. So I rarely order it even when I get a chance.

2. I have never eaten dim sum and I have no idea what pho even is.

3. I love to eat.

4. I used to love to cook but lately I don't have the energy or the concentration to do elaborate things in the kitchen.

5. I have a LOTR Galadriel ring that my sweetie gave me for Yule several years ago. I never have the chance to wear it though.

6. I think Reubens should be made with Pastrami and Russian dressing, not corned beef and thousand island.

7. I love computer adventure games.

8. I have fairy blood from some Welsh ancestor way back.

9. My office is a mess.

10. My house is covered in cat hair.

11. I love eggs Benedict.

12. I think keeping this blog is really a pain in the arse.

13. I think I have the best relationship with my husband anyone has ever had.

14. I don't like to see movies in theatres. I would just as soon wait for the DVD.

15. Batman is way cooler than Superman.

16. I found my best friend from High School on Facebook this year and I was really afraid she wouldn't want to be in touch with me at all because some bad stuff went down between us way back then. But it's turned out to be a good experience for both of us.

17. I regularly dream about dead people and then wake up wondering if I've got it all wrong and they're still alive.

18. I used to read about five books a week but now I find it hard to concentrate on reading at all :(

19. I didn't think I would like RPG games but I tried them and I do.

20. I am still bitter about things that happened to me when I was younger and I don't know if I'll ever get over them.

So there you have it. 20 trivial fact about me that may let you know me better.

Blues

I was doing so well. Okay, for a week I was doing well. My therapist and I had set up a plan for me to follow, so I could get a little done every day without feeling too overwhelmed. And I was actually able to stick to it. For, as I said, about a week.

Then came the holidays. With their frantic preparations--yes, even in this economically distressed time we had some preparations--and their manic cooking sprees and building of gingerbread houses and what have you. And I got off track.

And now I find myself stuck again. Mired. Swamped.

And on top of it, a bad case of the post holiday blues. Some bad things happened--our refrigerator died, for one thing. And though M.'s parents were kind enough and generous enough to take us to Sears and buy us a new one, well, I can't get over the fact that all these disasters seem to keep hitting us below the belt. (I also feel so guilty that we keep needing them to support us and we can't do it ourselves, but truly M. has looked everywhere for work and there is none to be found. Really none.)

And we had no money to buy gifts for one another let alone anyone else. we couldn't even send cards.

I don't care about receiving gifts so much, but giving them means a lot to me.

And we are seriously overdrawn at the bank and all our bills are coming in and I haven't paid my psychiatrist in goddess knows how long...I can't take the stress of having no money much longer. In fact, I had a total breakdown in M.s lap the other night--not just about money, but about everything. I'm tired. I'm tired of following this stupid diet but being too afraid of being fat to go off of it. I'm tired of being hungry all the time. I'm tired of being poor. I'm tired of being depressed. So many things. Tired of being stressed. Tired of being tired.

I say I can't take the stress of having no money much longer but what am I supposed to do about it? i wish I could just break into a million tiny pieces. But I've never been any good at that--always too controlled--and now the meds make it damn near impossible. No: really impossible. Even when I was having my total breakdown the other night I couldn't really cry. I hate that.

Everything is going to hell in a handbasket. And I can't cry.

Oh, feck this.

8 Days of Happiness--Day 8

On this last day of this meme, I can't really think of anything to be happy about except that it is over! Most days it's been very difficult for me to think off things to be happy about and I've had to scrape and scrounge in my mind for them--which I guess might be the point. That you can come up with things to be happy about even when you're not feeling insanely happy about anything.

I suppose I should be happy that tomorrow is Yule, a festive occasion. But it seems so bleak this year, with the inability to give gifts to the people we love. At least we'll have our goose dinner. I guess I'm happy about that. I always look forward to it, at any rate.

But there's so much work to do and I am feeling overwhelmed right now, so much so that I'm already having an anxiety attack although I haven't done anything yet.

Oh, M. thought this morning that our fridge had died overnight and it hadn't, so I'm VERY happy about that. With everything else, replacing a refrigerator would be impossible at the moment.

I'm happy for relative health and the friends I've met and got back into contact with on the internet. It's nice in this holiday season to receive cards from them, even if I can't afford to send any in return.

I'm happy that today I don't seem to have a migraine although the weather is closing in. We'll see how that proceeds.

I guess I do have a few things to be happy about, even though I couldn't think of any at first. Now to get on with my day...

8 Days of Happiness--Day 7

I have a migraine today. It's hard to think of anything to be happy about when I have a migraine, but I'm going to try.

First of all, it could be worse. I used to get the kind of migraines that made me puke uncontrollably, but I haven't had one of those in a couple of years, thank the gods. Second, I used to get these every other week or so, with the kind of pain that lasted for days. For weeks in a month I was virtually incapacitated with pain. But since starting taking Depakote for my Bipolar, I haven't had nearly as many migraines. I found out later that neurologists often use Depakote to treat migraines and it seems to be working in my case. Third, the sun is out. This may mean that the storm front that was causing the migraine to begin with is passing and with it my pain will pass soon.

So, all things considered I'm not as bad off as I could be and that's good enough for me.

8 Days of happiness--Day 6

It took me a long time to find anything to be happy about today. I felt really crumbossa all day, in fact. But now I am home from my radio show and I'm happy that I got through it. It wasn't even as hard as last week's show and I did a good job. Now I'm happy because I'm home in my jammies again and I have nothing to do until tomorrow, when we have tentative plans to do some holiday decorating and cleaning. I think that will make me feel good.

8 Days of Happiness--Day 6

Today I am happy because I don't really have to do anything today, except play a game that M. and I started last night. I'm also happy because I had putting off playing this game for a long time for fear I wouldn't enjoy it, but I'm enjoying it quite a lot.

Too, M.'s meeting with a client about work, which means we money coming in soon. Phew!

Lastly, M. got his Praxis scores back and he passed everything. So I'm happy because he'll no longer be stressed about that.

Now, if only my computer keyboard would stop acting up...