Monday, January 8, 2007

Today I am a Bitch...

Tomorrow I have to have a medical procedure that requires me to stick to a clear liquid diet today. That means broth, jello, clear juices, coffee, tea. I think this is a plot to distract me from the reality of the procedure. I am not a fan of medical procedures--especially not the ones, like this one, where they knock you out. Well, who is, really? Some people suffering a really odd psychiatric disease that I can't remember the name of, that's who. Anyway, all I can think of is the clear liquid diet and how hungry I'm likely to be by the end of the day and how crabby the very idea of this makes me. I know some people do this voluntarily from time to time--juice fast, they call it--but not me. I get sick. I pass out and get migraines and start throwing up convulsively. Why I would do that when I HAVEN'T eaten is something I don't understand at all.

I have made my jello in wine glasses in the hopes of making it more interesting. I am not even allowed a dollop of whipped cream on top. This is really depressing me. And I can't figure out why the cat is sitting at my feet staring up at me, as she does when I have something she wants. "It's JELLO," I have told her, but she doesn't seem to hear me.

So a warning to all: I am a bitch today and I am a bitch tomorrow. For the day after, I don't answer.

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