I don;t think this new medication is working for me. In fact, I think it's making me worse. I have more days that it just feels too hard to do anything. Like today, when all day the thought of even getting dressed both made me tired and sent me into a panic. I know I should bathe and do girly stuff like shave my legs but I can't be bothered; it just seems too hard. I guess that's why I didn';t shave my legs for a long time. But now that I've started I don;t really want to stop. honestly, I feel cleaner when I do it.
The cats have a brand new way of annoying me--by tipping over the trash can in the bathroom and dragging the garbage all over the place so the floor is continually covered with dryer lint, old q-tips, sanitary napkin wrappers, etc. Honestly, you;d think they were dogs sometimes. Also, another feline creature has decided that the laundry basket is a good place to pee in the night, so I am continually doing laundry to keep up. Fortunately except for once whichever feline it is has coinfined this behaviour to the dirty laundry.
Sometimes I hate living in a small town. Like tonight, we got a yen (no pun intended) for Chinese food. The nearest Chinese place is 30 miles away. Darling Husband graciously offered to go and get the food, but it's still 30 minutes there, 30 waiting for the order (okay, maybe less) and 30 back. We have a chest with a hot pad we can pack the stuff in so hopefully it won;t be too cold by the time it gets to the table.
Why is it that I have developed this habit of staring down the street every time I pass the dining room window to see if the toxic bitch's car is in her driveway? It hasn't been a lot. Maybe she's hanging out with her shiny new boyfriend. Maybe she's going to move! I can only hope.
About the only good thing I can say about recent days is that I have stopped dreaming about vampires.
Must drink more water.
Saturday, February 9, 2008
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Dreams and Vampires
Last night I dreamed that my mother invited this rather well-known Vampire to a house-warming party for me. There are other details of the dream I remember, like the nature and location of the house: what it looked like, what the yard was like etc. But the thin that really stands out for me is my mother inviting this Vampire. Which now that I think of it, I guess she really couldn;t well do, because it has to be the person who lives in the house who does the inviting for the invitation to be effective.
But the thing is, I've been dreaming A LOT about Vampires, and this particular Vampire, for a long time now. The night before last, a Vampire offered to buy me a pair of malachite earrings. He said to me, "If I bought these for you would you wear them?" and I said "Only if they weren't too big." And several nights ago I dreamed I was at a party at a bookstore in town with this Vampire and Alan Ginsberg.
I don;t get what's up with all these Vampires in my subconscious. Okay, we HAVE been watching a lot of Buffy the Vampire Slayer DVDs in our spare time. But we've done that before and it never affected me this way. Is it that I feel like my blood is being sucked out? or that the people aroound me are soul-less? or what? Is it because I feel threatened or feel like I need a supernatural protector or is it just a projection of someone I know in the conscious world who sucked out my soul, of whom I've been thinking a lot lately? Don;t know. But it puzzles me and is actually beginning to disturb me to the point where, when this Vampire shows up in my dreams I begin to wonder about it and then I wake up. Which, in some book I read, is not helpful. This book said you should stay with your dreams, however disturbing, and see where they take you.
So I guess I'm going on a ride with the Undead. I'll let you know how it goes...
But the thing is, I've been dreaming A LOT about Vampires, and this particular Vampire, for a long time now. The night before last, a Vampire offered to buy me a pair of malachite earrings. He said to me, "If I bought these for you would you wear them?" and I said "Only if they weren't too big." And several nights ago I dreamed I was at a party at a bookstore in town with this Vampire and Alan Ginsberg.
I don;t get what's up with all these Vampires in my subconscious. Okay, we HAVE been watching a lot of Buffy the Vampire Slayer DVDs in our spare time. But we've done that before and it never affected me this way. Is it that I feel like my blood is being sucked out? or that the people aroound me are soul-less? or what? Is it because I feel threatened or feel like I need a supernatural protector or is it just a projection of someone I know in the conscious world who sucked out my soul, of whom I've been thinking a lot lately? Don;t know. But it puzzles me and is actually beginning to disturb me to the point where, when this Vampire shows up in my dreams I begin to wonder about it and then I wake up. Which, in some book I read, is not helpful. This book said you should stay with your dreams, however disturbing, and see where they take you.
So I guess I'm going on a ride with the Undead. I'll let you know how it goes...
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